When Matthew Vaughn made a post offering Audible codes of his newest audiobook, The Survivors, to folks who review audiobooks on Instagram a week ago, I pounced. Well, I looked for comments and followup posts to see if others had requested codes and then psyched myself up to message him before finally doing so. I know most of the authors I follow generally like interacting with readers, but I still have my fan girl moments when I get a comment or a message so it takes me a minute to hit send.

Anyway, I’ve read a handful of Vaughn’s novellas at this point and loved them all. I enjoy his storytelling, his humor, and his brand of brutality. Bowery is still one of my favorite reads this year and after Bowery 2, I’m fully invested in that world. I read The Sexorcist and Sexorcism (review pending) and eagerly await Jamie Kort’s puppet rendition, The Soxorcist. I am a fan. So imagine my glee when Vaughn sent me not one, but three different audiobooks. These are all very different stories, but all are unrelentingly brutal. Let’s talk about them.

The Survivors
Remember that popular plane crash survivor series featuring that one good looking guy you recognize but can’t quite place, the woman from the late night phone sex commercials, and one of the hobbitses? You know the one. Now imagine that show, but everyone goes feral and kills and eats each other. The entire story is told from the perspective of a quiet and unassuming man who does his best to go with the flow and stay in the good graces of the man who’s taken up the leadership role to ensure his survival. After all, Mark’s skill set does not include survival skills without modern conveniences and this big guy with a fanny pack and unending supply of knives seems to be their only hope. The lives of this small band of men and one woman are in the hands of this one guy. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t trust a rando with a fanny pack and somehow knives in a plan crash survival situation. How does this guy have knives? How do literally none of these people have any survival skills? It turns out that the scariest things on the island aren’t what lurks in the jungle, it’s the survivors. Things go off the rails pretty quickly and this book is filled to the brim with some of the worst situations you can imagine. This is Lost crossed with Lord of the Flies and your worst nightmares. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️. I loved it. The narrator of this audiobook, M.K. Eriksen, perfectly portrayed meek Mark’s character. All of Mark’s fear and trepidation came through in Eriksen’s performance.

The ADHD Vampire
I knew right away I was going to love this book. It’s freaking hilarious. This takes place on an orgy cruise ship for the elderly. Lots of mentions of diapers and gumming, if you catch my drift. Elizabeth Demetrios is another new to me narrator, probably because a cursory glance at her Audible credits shows she mostly narrates cozy mysteries and shifter romance, but I like her. Anyway, everything is hunky dory for the horny old people right up until someone opens a crate in the cargo hold containing a dangerous stowaway. Did you know Dracula had a fuck up of a brother who dreams of his own bloody legacy? He is every bit as dangerous as his famous brother and has no trouble finding not one but three brides on the cruise ship, but he is endlessly distracted. ADHD vampire. But that doesn’t stop him from wreaking havoc on the passengers of this ship. It’s an all out blood sucking gore fest. And then as if this story didn’t have enough WTF to go around, we meet Martha, the part cyborg octogenarian retired secret agent. Yeah, you read that right. Another ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ from me. This story is weird and disgusting and funny in a way that is totally on brand for Vaughn.

Hellsworld Hotel
This one was my least favorite of the three. This one has been compared to movies like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and House of 1000 Corpses, and honestly that is a legit comparison. It also explains why this one didn’t really resonate with me. Not my favorite movies. But Hellsworld Hotel is loaded with the graphic violence and splattery goodness that I love. The monsters in this tale are human and holy cow, they are something else. The narrator of this one was also well suited to the book, but sometimes a bit annoying. I didn’t like his female voices at all. So while this one was my least favorite, Vaughn’s ability to conjure up bonkers amounts of gore and situations that induce visceral reactions made for an entertaining read. What can I say, I like to feel things, even if those feelings are disgust. ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 for me. Pretty good read, but lacked something that I can’t quite put my finger on that would have made it a great read.

That about sums it up. If you’re reading this and you’re a splatterpunk/extreme horror/bizarro fan, give Matthew Vaughn a read. You can find his books on Amazon, Audible, and Godless. Matthew Vaughn, thank you so much for sharing your work with me. I look forward to reading my way through the rest of your catalog.