Since I started writing book reviews, I have become friendly with a handful of indie authors. Okay, maybe a couple of hands full. Not that I’m popular or they’re my best friends or anything, but I’ve finally gotten to the point where I don’t feel too awkward sending a message here and there. I’ve always been concerned about fangirling too hard. Don’t want to give off Annie Wilkes vibes. Would you believe I’ve never read Misery or watched the movie?

Huh, directed by the meathead himself. Bad cpr technique. Chest compressions, chest compressions, chest compressions! Yeah I watch a lot of Doctor Mike. She seems innocent enough. Kathy Bates is adorable. Holy fuck, those legs. Them feet. Yeah like he has a choice. He can’t go anywhere. Nice system, sheriff. Maybe go check the roads. Shaving in bed is hardly necessary, but definitely adds tension. She’s really playing up the wholesome nurse lady persona. Oof. Mask slipping. Huh. What happened to the car? Covered by snow maybe. I think I’d freak out if I sunk that far into snow. I’m small, I’d never make it out on my own. Aww brown piggy. Mask is gone. Good luck with that, Paul. Holy fuck, how am I only half an hour in? Oh, she’s also a religious whack job. Great. Set the house on fire, Paul. Always with the useless cops. Well that’s an interesting detail. His nails grew. Get back in your room, she’s on her way back! Should have checked that closet for some crutches, but I guess dragging yourself across the floor works. Deadbolts on the insides of doors. Creepy. Crawl faster! Goooooo! Think of me as your inspiration. I don’t think she wants to read that book lol. Yes! There’s the car. Terrible cops! You can’t just assume he’s dead without searching the area. Well I guess Misery’s coming back as a fucking zombie if she was buried in the last book. What do you want, Annie. Crazy bitch. Laying on the flattery a bit thick, Paul. To misery. Oh fuck. Please take someone with you, sheriff. I don’t want you to die. Don’t be fooled, sheriff. NOOO. Fuck hoi, Annie. Did she just forget she had a gun in her pocket?

Closing thoughts: good movie. Maybe one day I’ll read the book.