Would you believe I’ve never seen The Craft? This movie came out in 1996, right as I was embracing my inner weird girl as a teenager. I was never all that interested in witchcraft though, so maybe that has something to do with it. Also I was not a Neve Campbell fangirl at a time when everyone my age was. Anyway, this is my first viewing of this movie.

First impression. Soundtrack would have been right up my alley at the time. It is…nostalgic. Our Lady Peace, Sponge, cool. New girl, creepy religious school. Ha, scary bitch alert. Yeah, I remember being called freaks. Lemme guess, new girl speaks French. Of course she does. And of course douchebag says something like “we should be learning Mexican or something”. Har har casual racism. Watch out, new girl is the real deal. Shopping. Oh, it’s The Gallery. I wonder if that place is still open. Oh no, not snake man. Come on, Sarah. Oh cool, more mean girl casual racism. Light as a feather, stiff as a board. Holy shit, we’s witches for real. Satisfying skin peel. Connie Francis. Silly teen witches, how did you not know the old “what goes around, comes around” aspect of witchcraft? Zaaaap! Is Neve Campbell’s mouth stuck like that? Okay, crazy bitch. Aw, poor bald little racist. Oh ew. I don’t like the implications of this scene. Liking someone does no turn into raping them. Girl, don’t be sad. He was not a good guy. And the girls have gone off the rails. Looks like they’re going to turn Sarah into the wicked witch of the west. Why are Bonnie’s feet on backwards? Come on, Sarah. You know those wounds are nothing. After all, you did it the right way the first time. Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the north…this is so hokey. Oh no, Nancy’s made of bugs. Come on, Nancy. She bound you. Did you think it was gonna be that easy?

Sigh. That was super dumb. But I can see how it inspired a generation of Hot Topic goths to dabble in the dark arts. The 90s was a helluva time. Dope soundtrack though.