I went to the beach today. A week off work demands at least one day at the beach. Unfortunately, it was also beach day for the jellyfish. So many jellyfish. I almost didn’t see them because I took my glasses off to avoid losing them to the ocean. I lost my favorite pair years ago and take no chances now. Anyway, jellyfish ruined swimmies for me, so now I’m watching a movie about a mutant jellyfish ruining swimmies for a bunch of people.

Oh shit, that’s a hand. And an arm. I thought this was about jellyfish. Ok that woman looked like a blow up doll for a sec. I see they spared no expense for the special effects. Moooooley moley mole. Oh. It’s an injury, not a mole. These ladies are peak 1960s fashionistas. What a bitch. Don’t tease the poor weirdo. Ewww. Looks like Portuguese man o’war stungs, huh. Except too big, huh. Must be a big ass jelly out there. Sorry dear, I have to find a giant jellyfish. You have fun at the party. Oh, creepy weirdo. He probably doesn’t mean to be creepy. I bet he’s gonna end up being the hero of the movie. Lots of butt shaking close ups. What a bunch of assholes. I hope a lot of them get stung. That’s the thing though, Karen. They don’t mean well. People who mean well don’t immediately torment people who look a little different. The music in this movie is obnoxious. The butt waggling dancing scenes are a bit much. Swimmies time! Uh oh! Two faces stung. That’s one hell of a sting. Dude’s skin is bubbling and melty. Yeah I’m sure the sheriff will be able to handle the mutant jellyfish man. Sheriffs are totally equipped for that sort of thing. So much for the party. Look at all the jellies! The mutant looks like a scuba diver and the jellies look like deflating balloons. Oh whaaaat. That’s not a mutant at all. That’s a scuba diver. Ok that one might have been the mutant. Ahhh why did you have to take off your shirt, old man. Yeah let’s go scuba diving in the…wait a minute. Do jellyfish live in the Everglades? Ooh I like that floral dress. I should wear more dresses. Holy crap, that woman’s butt is white. Jellyfish man attack in the shower.

That movie was goofy af, but I think I love it. Except for the awful dance scenes.